scooter's spot v. 2.0: Tuesday (I mean Weekly) News Briefs

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tuesday (I mean Weekly) News Briefs - June 22, 2006

The Tuesday News Briefs are now gone. I can't be tied down to one day where it is permissible to share absurd news stories with my readers. So except to see this vein of post about once a week.

I got a bunch of good ones this week! Let's get started...

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metroNY - Crackhead cinema: The latest wave in 'hood entertainment gets controversial

File under: Tasteless exploitation!

Take "Girls Gone Wild" and cross it with "Bum Fights", and you have "Crackheads Gone Wild". Basically, the producer/director (if you can even call him that)--a former crack dealer--had the brilliant idea to tape crackheads living their lives. Sure, he may throw them a buck or two (or a big fat rock) every once in a while to keep the ridiculousness at a peak. The American entrepreneurial spirit at its best!

The best part of the story:

"It's basically a drug-awareness video," Singletary explains. "There was the commercial with the eggs in the frying pan, 'This is your brain on drugs.'...That's not telling me what drugs do. You've gotta show me the reactions."

Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude!

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The Boston Globe - The war on Fluffernutter escalates in Legislature

File under: Tasteless legislation!

I guess in Massachusetts they have nothing better to do than debit the merits of Marshmallow Fluff, and the Fluffernutter, a sandwich made using the gooey mess as a main ingredient.

The best part of the story:

Barrios was blasted on talk radio Monday, with defenders of Fluffernutters suggesting that the sandwiches are an easy and economical meal that parents can fix and that children will actually eat.

Of course, they will regret the astronomical dental bills over their lifetime, but hey, as long as parents can fix it and kids will eat it...Under this logic, would a s'mores be considered a "sandwich"? One that is cheap, easy and edible taboot.

Oh Massachusetts, thanks for helping make Florida look a little more intelligent.

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Austin, Texas - kvue.com Top Stories - Mother arrested after child reportedly ingests LSD

File under: Premature hallucination!

I got a good idea. I'm gonna become a mother at age 19. Then, once the baby is old enough to walk away from me, I'm going to take him to a party, where I will take my eyes of of him just long enough for him to wander away and find something that a little kid will love...something like candy. Normally I don't mind if he shoves some SweeTarts down his throat, after all he's just a kid. What harm can some candy do to him?

But what if those SweeTarts happen to be laced with LSD?

The best part of the story:

"As the mother was carrying the child down the stairs, he was grasping in the air. He was reaching out for things that weren't there, calling out crying, screaming then calming down and then going right back into that and she said this was not normal behavior for him," said Jeff Hayes, Cedar Park police.

Really? Tripping face wasn't a normal behavior for a toddler? Boy, am I surprised.

I really think that this woman should be locked up for her stupidity and carelessness. And I really hope that kid is okay. I know some big beefy dudes who could never handle that much LSD...

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Austin American Statesman - Teen, mom sue MySpace.com for $30 million

File under: What parental responsibility?

First thing to notice: both this story and the one preceding it come from Austin, TX. What do they have in the water there that causes people to be crappy parents? (And don't say LSD...)

To summarize: mom is suing MySpace because she met someone on the site who mislead her and then sexually assaulted her. They claim that the company should have done more to protect the girl from sexual predators.

This story really makes me mad, for a number of reasons. The first is that is another piece of proof that we live in an overly litigation-happy society. The second is that this women is unable to take responsibility for her under inadequateness as a parent (at least when it comes to keeping tabs on her teenage daughter), and feels that it should be someone else's responsibility to make sure she is staying out of trouble. I feel the same way about parent's complaining about the programs their children watch on television. For the sake of all that is holy, it is a parent's responsibility to parent their children!!

The best part of the story:

Loewy said he was confident about the lawsuit, which he said seeks damages worth 1 percent of the company's estimated worth.

"We feel that 1 percent of that is the bare minimum that they should compensate the girl for their failure to protect her online when they knew sexual predators were on that site," he said.

Greedy bastard. I guess the going rate for a sexual assault of a minor is one percent of one's net worth.

This world is sick...

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Yahoo! News - Fla. restaurant sells $100 hamburger

File under: "That is one tasty burger!"

Boca Raton (from the Spanish "rat's mouth") is one of the more despicable places I've been. It is like a Jewish version of W.A.S.P.y Greenwich, CT, one of the more pretentious towns I have ever visited.

Basically, the restaurant at the ultra-exclusive Boca Raton Resort and Club (where a membership costs $40,000 plus an additional $3,600 a year) decided to put a burger on the menu for the first time. Why not make it the most over-priced hamburger in history?

The best part of the story:

The bill for one burger, with garnishing that includes organic greens, exotic mushrooms and tomatoes, comes out to $124.50 with tax and an 18 percent tip included. The restaurant will donate $10 from each sale to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

How generous, they'll donate less than ten percent of the ridiculous cost of the burger to charity...Why is it that rich people make me sick? I hope someone chokes on that burger...