Weekly News Briefs - June 28, 2006
Got a bunch of interesting (or disconcerting, depending on how you look at it) news stories for y'all this week. They range from chain-smoking monkeys kicking the habit to cat-devouring raccoons; cops flashing coffeehouse employees in the name of love to an over-zealous ex-lover with a Van Gogh complex. These stories are so odd that I couldn't even make them up.
Let's go!
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Chron.com - Police: Spring man mails finger to ex-girlfriend
File under: Deserving of that restraining order
It is not the first time a jilted ex-lover did something stupid to reach out and touch their former beloved, and it surely won't be the last. But cutting your finger off and entrusting it to the United States Postal Service is an interesting way to do so.
The best part of the story:
Corpus Christi Police Capt. John Houston said police weren't sure which finger was removed or how, but that it appeared to have been washed before it was mailed Friday.
"It was a clean cut," Houston said. "It wasn't mangled."
Good to hear that the unidentified wack-a-doo had the sense of mind to not only wash his finger before hacking it off, but to keep the cut clean when he did so.
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File under: Payback's a bitch!
Last week's Weekly News Briefs featured a story about a girl and her mother who were suing social networking website MySpace for allowing the fourteen year old to be sexually assaulted.
Well, this week the tables have turned. Apparently, two teenage girls lured an older man out to a secluded spot with the promise of ""something fun" before robbing him at gunpoint.
The best part of the story:
The girls didn't get much because the victim had forgotten his wallet. They let him go, unharmed, and he called police.
Number one: Who forgets their wallet when they are going to meet a sexy new internet friend in person for the first time. What if she wants a soda, how are you going to impress the lady?
Number two: You figure that if the two young vixens were smart enough to set up this scam, they'd be smart enough to realize that the dude was going to call police ASAP. I guess he remembered his cell phone.
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File under: Monkey business
Apparently, Chinese people go to the zoo so they can see monkey's smoking cigarettes. If the monkeys are between butts, patrons throw one into the cage. Is there something wrong here, people?
The best part of the story:
Xiku the chain-smoking chimpanzee has almost kicked his deadly habit thanks to the efforts of zoo keepers in China, but it has taken a beer or two to help get him through detox.
I see. It is better for a chimp to be an alcoholic than a smoker.
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File under: What was he thinking?
52 year old cop falls in love with 23 year old coffee shop employee. Cop whips out his member and shows it to employee when it is time for him to order his cup of joe. Cop loses his job.
The best part of the story:
He told Airway Heights police that he was hoping to build a relationship with the 23-year-old woman, and he thought she had mutual feelings for him. Mastel told police he realized he as wrong when he saw the look on the woman's face after exposing himself.
So let me get this straight: this brilliant man who is authorized to carry a gun thought that showing his shriveled old man member to a young lady would help to build a relationship with her? It never worked when I tried it...
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File under: Scary, scary vermin!
This story really freaks me out. Not only do you have to worry about raccoons carrying rabies, now you have to fret about raccoons eating your house pets.
Did you hear me? Raccoons are eating cats!
The best part of the story:
"The raccoons leave the head and shoulders,'' she said. With one of last week's victims, ``we found some raccoon fur around the cat's fur.''
Sure, what do they need the head and shoulders for?
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posted by Unknown @ 12:04 PM
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